Sunday, September 23, 2012

Restless

I know I am meant to be retiring this blog, but I felt the need to write. I went to bed about 2 hours ago, and yet I find myself awake and restless. I can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning, my spirit is unsettled and it seems as though the Lord is calling me out of bed, "Come meet with me." I delay. I sigh. I reposition. The words from this morning's sermon keep replaying in my mind, " submit it all to Me." The word that stands out to me is not submit, but ALL. The enormity of the word continues to grow as I lay there trying to shrug it off. ALL. Everything I have, my relationships, my family, my belongings, my future, my past, my present, my issues, my worries, my concerns, my plans,... ALL. I can't shake it anymore, I know it's one of those times when God is asking me to come sit with Him. It is late; it is dark; it is silent; I am tired. I have settled from the day and it's as if the Lord is finally able to get hold of me. I think to myself, wow how often do I allow myself to go go go that the busyness of my day and the routine of my life drowns out His voice. Have I not been listening close enough? Am I still paying attention? When was the last time I went on a date with Jesus? Something I used to do regularly in College. Dinner with my Bible and notebook, so sweet, such precious moments.

I am thankful, He has called me at this moment, tonight. I know a spiritual personal challenge is about to be given. I am not only ready, I am longing for it. I grab my Bible, and one of my favorite books I have not picked up in a long time, "The Master is Calling." - Now that I think of it, how appropriate ;) I sit down, bundle up in my blanket and say, "Lord, take me to the scripture you want to talk to me about tonight."

The process - I open to Matthew, I flip through and get the number 12, and I read a verse I have previously underlined, "A tree is identified by its fruit. If a tree is good, its fruit will be good. If a tree is bad, its fruit will be bad." Recently I have been challenging myself in various areas within my spiritual walk, my attitude, my behaviour, etc (the fruit I am producing in my life). Areas that I find are always good to re-examine. (You don't just prune a tree once, a tree must be pruned often for it to flourish and grow.)  I flip a few more pages and read, "if any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me." I continue to flip to the next page Matthew 19:27 and read, "Then peter said to him, "we've given up everything to follow you. What will we get?" Jesus replied, "I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sister or father or mother or children or property, for my sake will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life." These three versus speak to and challenge my character, my diligence, my attitude, my spiritual nourishment, and my priorities. I have been restless in certain areas I know need work, things I need to work WITH God on rather than try to accomplish in my own efforts. Now God was reminding me, bringing me back to what makes the difference in my (your) personal growth in the Lord and addressing any area that may need a bit of pruning.

I continued to look through the book I had selected, and in the first couple pages I read a prophetic word delivered by Lynne Hammond that was exactly what I needed to hear.

"I said you'd be changed in My presence, saith the Lord. If you have not experienced change in your life, if your old ways are still prevailing, if your old man is still in evidence, you have not spent the time with Me that I desire. It isn't a matter of self-control or disciplining your flesh with no help from Me, saith God. If you'll spend time in My presence, you will be changed. Your pattern of life will be changed. Your old man will begin to pass away. Your new man will begin to rise in the image of My Son. Your life will begin to bear much fruit. The evidence of your walk with Me will change as a result of spending much time in My presence.

If you're having trouble getting rid of an old habit, if you're having trouble with your marriage, if your family relationships aren't changing, you're not spending the time with Me that would enable that change to come to pass. Your desire and the motivation of your heart to walk uprightly before Me is a product of becoming so close to Me that you do not want to bring hurt to Me.

In natural relationships, when you love someone, you want to do the right things for them. You don't want to hurt them. Well, as you spend time with Me, saith God, as you spend time in My presence, We'll develop a relationship that is closer than any earthly relationship. It will shape the pattern of your living. You'll want to conform your ways to My Word simply because it's the desire of your heart. Your life will change; but it will be a product of your spending time with Me."

I put down the book, and I think of all those areas of change and growth I want to see in my life; I sense the Lord whisper to me with such firmness yet gentle sincerity, "Submit it ALL to me. Start with your time."

-me

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